Pre December Blues…

I think when you have had a history of depression, be it for a year or less or even more, I think you need make sure you can realise the signs that a relapse maybe occurring.

Thing is what do you do with those signs??

I was supposed to go on a mums night out with some nursery mums. U didn’t think muvb about it till my husband said ‘wow that’s good. You would never have thenthat if you were not in a good place’ ironically this scared the shit out of me, and guess what I chickened out. I felt like I didn’t need to invest any time in the! As Eloise is leaving nursery in August, and she won’t be at school with any of them.

Was it that moment that may of triggered my current slipping motion?? Or is it the fact that I am starting a brand new job next year and have high hopes, so high that if it fails to deliver I may tumble further than I am sliding now….

But the slide has started… All I can do is hope that I will be able to grab on before I have slid too far and climb back again.

How do I know its started:

  • Infatuation wityh anything that isn’t my life…. Even stupid story lines in Holby City, where at times I forget its not real! (C’mon classic mistake)
  • The feeling of being an outsider, within my own family, my extended family, my group of friends
  • The constant questionning myself of ‘did I say the right thing then?’
  • Cancelling my own leaving do from a company I have worked at for 9 years, by calling in sick (even thou sick, I’m not exactly on deaths door)
  • Arguing with my husband and taking it too far…. Or did I, was I justified in my response?
  • Totalling not seeing things/changes in friendship groups unless its pointed out!!!

One of my friends, a new (meaning within the last 2 years) good friend, started a blog, actively posting to share… Do I want to do that? Or am I hoping that this will disappear into the ether, but at least I have been able to get things off my chest.God knows. Yet here I am writing….

Its December tomorrow, and to say I am unethused Christmas is just around the corner is an understatement…. I really don’t care, I have hardly shopped, hardly thought about it, and am now dreading it since my recent run in with my mother in law…. Boxing Day will be fun!

Again another sign I am sliding…. I love Christmas… Or I normally do.

So what do I do with these signs then??

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